How to come to terms with being a lesbian? 5 questions answered

Lesbian visibility week is right around the corner. From the 22nd until the 28th of April it’s time to put the lesbians in the picture. Some people are out and proud, but others may still struggle with accepting themselves. Elise-Charlotte Kindts, a lesbian herself answers 5 questions about coming to terms with being a lesbian.  

1. How do you know you’re a lesbian? 

Sadly enough, there is no test or questionnaire that you can take to know whether you are or aren’t a lesbian. Exploring your sexuality and coming to terms with who you are can take a long time’, says Elise-Charlotte Kindts (20) who is out and proud these days. It hasn’t always been like that though.The important questions to ask yourself is if you, as a woman, are attracted to other women and if you could see yourself being together with one long term rather than with a man. I started to question this because of TikTok. The app made me realise I might be attracted to girls as wel. If you, just like me, answer yes to the two previous questions there is a chance you might be a lesbian.’ 


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2. Where can I learn more about my sexuality? 

The greatest source to learn more about your own sexuality are people who are open about being a lesbian. Social media is a very handy tool to find such people. By seeing lesbian relationships, you might develop an idea of what you would like in the future and find out if you’d see yourself in this kind of relationship. Elise-Charlotte Kindts learned the most about her sexuality when she moved to another city to study. ‘When I studied in Leuven, I was truly free to discover who I was. I could leave the old me behind in my village’, There also exist great sites such as ReachOut that share interesting articles about the LGBTQ+ community. The website also has an online forum where you can read comments from other people who feel the same way  

3. Why is it so difficult to accept myself? 

‘Saying goodbye to the ideal picture that you’ve knows since you were a kid was one of the most difficult things about coming to terms with my sexuality,’ As Elise-Charlotte says, the hardest part about accepting yourself is coming to terms with the fact that you’re different than what society expects you to be.From watching animation movies as a child where the princess is saved by her prince to the courses of sexual education in high school. They all push us towards the heteronormative. As a child you often don’t know that there are other options than falling in love with a man and marrying someone from the opposite sex, this is the reason why it’s so hard to accept yourself later in life if that heteronormative picture does not sit right with you. Because even though you grow up in a supportive environment, it’s still hard to realize that your life might be more difficult than someone who is heterosexual’, the twenty-year old ads.That shouldn’t stop you to be out and proud though because hiding who you truly are might be even harder than confessing you’re a lesbian.’  

4. What is compulsory heterosexuality?  

According to an article in the magazine Cosmopolitan compulsory heterosexuality can be described as the way in which our culture coerces us into viewing all intimacy or connection between men and women as sexual or romantic. The term has come into light because of the Lesbian Master Doc going around on TikTok. The document explains the struggles of figuring out your identity and how compulsory heterosexuality makes it very difficult to find your true sexuality. Elise-Charlotte confirms this phenomenon, ‘Like many other lesbians I fooled myself and didn’t trust my own feelings. I questioned everything because ‘what if I meet the perfect guy tomorrow?” She also says that from a young age heterosexual relationships are all we see. ‘You get the idea that that’s what your future should look like. You yearn for love and if the only form of love you’ve seen doesn’t correspond with what you want, it feels as if something’s wrong with you. That’s such a sad thing to think about.’  

@lilyanakai Reply to @nic_156 i hope this helps any of you who might be interested!! 🖤 #masterdoc #wlw #questioning #sexuality #iluvyou #goodluck #fypシ ♬ original sound – lilyana


5. Who are famous lesbians that I can learn something from?  

There are a lot of great lesbians and couples that are worth following on social media to learn something from. Whether you want to see and find out what you might want in the future or whether you just want to learn a lesson, it can always be great to discover people who went through the same things as you. These are a few famous lesbians where Elise-Charlotte has learned something from, ‘I’ve learned to be truly proud of who I am because of the singer Renée Rapp. I’ve left the taboo I’ve felt around lesbian sex behind me because of Chappell Roan and her music. The regular everyday lesbian relationship between two women I encountered trough Beth Mead and Vivianne Miedema, two female footballers from Arsenal WFC. They all taught me something in a different way.’ 


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Tekst: Nohr Pardon
Foto: © Elise-Charlotte Kinds